Communicating With Your Child

Our kids pick up on our attitudes, our words and how we communicate. So what are you saying — both with your words and without? What you communicate, and how you communicate it, is important.” (5 Tips)

 

You communicate with your child everyday through your words, your touch, your expressions, your actions. Do you ever think about what you communicate to your child indirectly? It’s highly possible, even highly probable, that you don’t realize what you indirectly communicate to your child throughout the day. Before I get into that, though, let’s go over some definitions:

 

Direct communication involves saying what a person think and feels.

 

Indirect communication is acting out rather than directly saying what a person thinks or feels through tone of voice, facial expressions, and/or gestures.

 

Now, let’s go back to how much you communicate with AND to your child. I imagine that you can’t count or remember everything you’ve communicated. It’s a little scary, isn’t it?! We are communicating with our children even when we don’t intend to. Not only that, but we are sending our children messages that we often don’t mean to. The good news is that it’s pretty simple to communicate to your children in a positive way. Many of the things you already do are effective tools and patterns. For example, when you get down to your child’s level in a conversation, that’s huge. It makes the conversation less intimidating and shows that you value what your child is saying. When you stop what you’re doing by setting a book/magazine down, putting your phone away, or turning the radio off, it tells your child you value what they are saying and/or doing. When you tell your child, “You can do this”, with your words or by letting them walk through the door to school on their own, you communicate they are capable. When you simply smile at your child, you communicate your love for them. You already do some many wonderful things directly and indirectly.

 

Whether you feel stuck in your communication patterns or just want to be a more mindful communication partner for your child, these are useful tips to consider (5 Tips):


  1. Bring up conversations during the in-betweens. Instead of having your child sit down and engage in a face-to-face conversation with you (which can be intimidating), bring up conversations during routines or activities. You can have important talks while hiking or playing a game. This relaxed atmosphere opens up the lines of communication for your child.
  2. Listen intentionally. It can be very easy to allow yourself to fall into the trap of “waiting to respond”. When you do this, you’re not listening with the intent of hearing and understanding your child, though. Be an active listener, instead. Have an open posture, maintain eye contact, nod. You don’t always have to verbally respond, and if you do, it can be a simple, “Uh huh” or “I hear you”.
  3. Be open. Communication goes both ways. Many of us may practice this with our partner and friends but not with our children. Be open to sharing your experiences with your child and to the realization that you are not always the teacher. Let your children know it’s okay to make mistakes; in fact, tell them you have made them, too.
  4. Empathize, then advise. When you start by telling your child things like, “It’s not that bad.”, “You’ll get over it.”, or “It would have been better if…”, you shut down the lines of communication. By empathizing with your child and offering up words such as, “I can see that was hard for you.” or “That would have made me scared, too.”, it takes away judgment and adds a space wherein your child is more likely to accept your advice or counsel.
  5. Speak respectfully. How many times has it worked for you to speak down to your child and/or yell at them for something he did? Even if it worked once or twice, it probably left both you and your child feeling pretty down. Speaking disrespectfully to your child creates an environment where your child doesn’t want to talk to you or may even lie to you in the future. It’s scary enough to be honest at times, let alone when you also fear the response you will get from your parents. Your child deserves the same respect in conversation as you would give any adult. There are myriad ways to communicate with your child and get your point across while also being respectful.


I challenge each of you to be more mindful in your communication with your child(ren). Really think about what you are communicating to him; directly and indirectly. Are you creating an environment that fosters open, loving communication and encourages your child to communicate with you? Or, are you engaging in communication patterns that maybe close the lines of communication? What messages are you sending your child? Because, what you communicate and how you communicate it, is important.

References


How to Be a Strength-Based Parent. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_be_a_strength_based_parent


J., Musselman, J., Y., Westhoff, M., T., M., . . . H. (2018, April 02). 5 Tips to Create Positive Communication with your Kids. Retrieved from https://childrenpositive.com/5-tips-to-positively-communicate-with-your-kids/

Creating Community in Montessori Toddler Environments

June 3, 2025
Discover how Montessori builds toddler communities where belonging, growth, and meaningful connection are nurtured every day.

Montessori Materials Explained: The Fundamental Needs Charts

May 26, 2025
Exploring Human Connection: The Fundamental Needs Charts in Montessori In the Montessori elementary classroom, we support children’s natural curiosity about what it means to be human. One of the tools we use for this exploration is the Fundamental Needs Charts, which illustrate the universal needs that connect all people, past and present. Understanding Our Shared Humanity The purpose of these charts is to help children recognize their own needs and see how human beings across time and cultures have worked to fulfill them. Through this, children begin to develop a deeper awareness of their place in history and the common threads that unite all people. There are two charts that children use first as an overview and then as a tool for research. The first chart provides a broad overview of fundamental needs, divided into material needs (food, shelter, clothing, defense, transportation) and spiritual needs (art, music, religion, communication). The second chart focuses specifically on the human need for food, a concept that even the youngest elementary students can appreciate! Unlike traditional text-heavy resources, these charts rely on visual representations, which makes them accessible to younger elementary children. The charts also provide a visual model of how to organize an investigation into ancient civilizations and cultures. A Framework for Exploration Elementary-aged children are naturally curious about how things work and why people live the way they do. The Fundamental Needs Charts provide a structured way to study history and culture, allowing children to ask meaningful questions: How did different civilizations meet their needs for food and shelter? How did people create art, music, and systems of belief? What innovations, like the wheel, changed the way humans lived? Are spiritual needs as essential as physical ones for survival? These questions encourage children to think critically and compare cultures in a way that fosters both curiosity and respect for diversity. From Concrete to Abstract Thinking At first, children relate to physical needs like food and warmth because they have personally experienced hunger or cold. They also begin to grasp more abstract concepts, such as the role of art, music, and communication in human development. We introduce the first chart through conversation: What did you have for breakfast this morning? How did you get to school? Did you wear a seat belt? Why did you choose the clothes you have on today? What do you plan to do this weekend? We often write little slips with students’ answers. Then, we display the first chart and, together with the children, figure out how to put the different answers into the different categories. Children love this personal connection to the material, and the process lays the stage for how information can be organized thematically. Encouraging Independent Research The Fundamental Needs Charts do not present every possible human need–this is intentional. Instead, they provide a model that encourages children to create their own charts based on their research. This process deepens their understanding and allows them to make connections between cultures in a meaningful way. Younger children often love making “needs” collages from magazine pictures or even charts of their own personal “fundamental needs” such as “What I Eat.” Sometimes, children may make booklets or write a story or report about a particular aspect of the chart, such as “How We Get to School” or foods that come from fish or foods that are flowers! Or they may make a chart with all the different ways human beings transport themselves, or about human houses. The possibilities are endless! As they continue their studies, older children transition to The History Question Charts, which rely more on text and research. These allow for a more detailed examination of historical patterns, further reinforcing the idea that history is a story of human beings working to meet their needs. Education for Peace Dr. Maria Montessori believed that education should help children see themselves as part of a larger human family. By studying the universal needs that all people share, children develop a sense of human solidarity through space and time. They learn that while cultures may differ in their approaches, our fundamental needs unite us all. This understanding fosters empathy, respect, and a sense of interconnectedness—essential components of education for peace. The Fundamental Needs of Human Beings Charts are more than just learning tools; they are a gateway to understanding human history, culture, and identity. Visit our classrooms to see how our learning activities help young people become interconnected citizens!